Living with Asperger's Syndrome

This article is adapted from Wikipedia.

Asperger's syndrome almost always leads to problems with normal social interaction with peers. Though not always insurmountable, these issues can be severe, especially in childhood and adolescence.

Children with Asperger's syndrome are often the target of bullying at school due to:

1. their idiosyncratic behaviour, language, and interests, and



2. because of their generally poor ability to understand and respond "properly" to non-verbal cues (such as body language), particularly in situations of interpersonal conflict.

A child or teen with Asperger's syndrome is frequently puzzled as to the source of this mistreatment, unaware of what has been done "wrong". The social alienation of children with Asperger's syndrome can in some cases be so intense that they create imaginary friends for companionship (although this is certainly not specific to Asperger's syndrome as non-autistics may do the same as well). Even later in life, many people with Asperger's report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them.

Children with Asperger's syndrome often demonstrate precocious abilities in areas such as:

• language


• reading


• mathematics


• spatial skills


• music

Sometimes these abilities may extend into the "gifted" range, but this may be offset by significant delays in other developmental areas. This combination of traits can create problems with teachers and other authority figures.

It may be relevant here that one of the social conventions many people with AS ignore is respect for authority. The researcher Attwood notes a tendency to feel that everyone should be treated much the same regardless of what social position they may occupy; the student with AS may not give respect until he or she feels it has been earned, an attitude many teachers will either not understand or take strong exception to.

As with many gifted children, a child with Asperger’s might be regarded by teachers as a "problem child" or a "poor performer". The child’s extremely low tolerance and motivation for what they perceive to be mundane and mediocre tasks (such as typical homework assignments) can easily become frustrating; the teacher may well consider the child arrogant, spiteful, and insubordinate. Meanwhile, the child sits there mutely, feeling frustrated and wronged – and often having no idea how to express these feelings.

Asperger's syndrome hardly guarantees a miserable life. The intense focus and tendency to work things out logically, a characteristic of Asperger's syndrome, often grants people with the syndrome a high level of ability in their field of interest. When these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task, the individual with Asperger's can often lead a profitable life. The child obsessed with naval architecture may grow up to be an accomplished shipwright, for instance.

On the other hand, many people with Asperger’s syndrome may experience inordinate levels of distress at having their routines disrupted or being denied the opportunity to express their special interests. For example, a child with Asperger’s Syndrome may be a gifted writer for her age, and may be happiest when spending class time working on her stories. The teacher may insist that the student instead pay attention to the lesson or work on assigned homework assignments.

A non-autistic child in such circumstances may be mildly upset, but would probably reluctantly go along with the teacher; for a child with Asperger’s Syndrome, on the other hand, such an experience can be extremely traumatic and leave the teacher and the rest of the class wondering why the normally withdrawn child is suddenly angry or upset, seemingly out of proportion to the situation. Dismissing the child’s concerns at such a juncture – perhaps by calling the concerns "immature" or "disrespectful" – can be a serious blow to the child’s self-esteem, which is often already fragile.

While many people with Asperger's will not have lives that are considered a social success by common standards - and there are many who will remain alone their entire lives - it is certainly possible for them to find understanding people with whom they can have close relationships. Many autistics have children, in which case their children may or may not have an autism spectrum disorder.

Significant others and family members of people with Asperger's are often more prone to depression than the general population because people with Asperger's may not spontaneously show affection, and can be very literal and hard to communicate with in an emotional way.

However, not showing affection (or not doing so in conventional ways) does not necessarily mean that he or she does not feel it. Understanding this can lead the significant other to feel less rejected and be more understanding.

There are usually ways to work around problems of this type. One example may be by being more explicit about their needs. For instance, when describing emotions, it can be helpful to be direct and to avoid vague terms like "upset" when the emotion being described is "anger". It is often effective to lay out in clear language what the problem is and to ask the partner with Asperger's to describe what emotions are being felt or ask why a certain emotion was being felt. It is very helpful if the family member or significant other reads as much as he or she can about Asperger’s syndrome and any comorbid disorders that may exist.